With Me I'll Hold

with me i'll hold
spare me till im old
till the light of the coming sun
easterly ill head till dawn
with my head in my hand and my sanity gone
ill travel to find peace and solice
devilish temptations
red lips of crimison and blood
gentle pain and insane love
dont tear from me
with me i'll hold
dont tear from me
with me i'll love
dont tear from me
my one last desire, my love
my heart, it beats for you.

My One Last Wish

for this which i feel
i have no name for this
for which is real
i feel no bliss
empty depth in my soul
i have no words to bleed
i have a hole
i wish to seed
my one last wish
i have a need to flush out my pain
delve into my sight
train your eye and fix upon this
i have no delight
life is a meaningless horde which to dis
tell me nothing to keep
my sanity to crush
all those who weep
but only brush me away
off this sleeve
i dare not leave
my one last wish
fnish me with a kiss.

Silence

Why do i have the power to talk
do i know what i say
i wish i could be silent
the words i say only burn and scar
if i could only be quiet and see what you think and feel

what does the silence do to you
it digs and tears at you
it leaves lasting holes
to talk would only destroy my humanity
must i even breath and cry to be alive
nothing i say can fix it
nothing i do will fix it
if i can do or say nothing
i shall be nothing any more.

I Do Not

i do not bring it upon myself for pitty
i do not bring myself to this state
i do not bring all missery at my feet
it all just falls into my lap
i cannot handle what you throw
i do what i know
it may seem like i ran
but this is what i wanted for ever and a day
i hide behind this exterior to keep safe
what i feel inside
to see what is in me, would only ruin your eyes
to see what is in me, would only destroy your mind
what i feel inside
should not be held onto by anyone
should not be fathomed
i try to destroy it but it just keeps coming to me
i hate it
i do not want it
i do not want my life.

Ma Headfones

i turn up my headphones to drown you out
i turn up my headphones to keep it out
i turn up my headphones to save myself
if i go deaf, it is only to better serve myself to save my soul
my head and body
but i turn them up only to keep the words out
i crank them up to silence the world
i blare them to help me heal
the one thing that makes me, heals me
i blash the headphones to keep me sane.

I Hate This

i hate the heart that was given to me
i hate the mouth that only speaks pain
i hate the head that was given to me because it only hold ruin

the heart it only beats in vein
spilling these feelings that only fuck with you
bleeding the truths deep inside
throbbing my body violently till death

the mouth it vomits the lies
breaking the silence
only to shatter worlds and break wills
this insturument must be silenced

the head only contains the evil
no happiness inside, only pain
beat it in the ground to make it go away
only to come back with more ferocity than before
i wish to leave here now

comfort me, i am lost
lead me, i need guidence
council me, i am unknowledgable
silence me, i hurt those around me

I Noticed

i noticed you confused me
i noticed you didnt care
well what did you want
me to bend and give
i noticed you left
i noticed you didnt care
why didnt i realize it
now i can see
clearer and brighter
my heart and mind sing out
im sick of this shit
dont lie to me
i am not here to bleed for you
ungreatful, insolent person
i noticed the truth too late
i noticed the pain instantly
thank you for the ride,
now i know, how it all works
i will never trust again.

The Microwave is condusive to a good health

I have come to the conclusion that standing infront of the microwave is condusive to your health and makes you smarter.  i found this out by watching my ramen noodles cook and then i had i giant head ache and everything was moving like i was thinking faster. it was trippy. haha. yeah. peace, yo.

what if i was there?

what if....
what if i was there,
what if i was there when it happened
what if i was there when the shit happened
what if i was there when all the happiness was yours
would it be different
would you be different
would your life have changed
would i be with you right now

i try to be there for everyone, i wish i could be everywhere. i wish i could experience all that you have seen. i wish i could have shared your thoughts and feelings, as with mine also. it burdens me to have chose what i do, but it is for you. when i come back, please share with me something.

Thank you to those...

Thank you all those who know, all those who care, and all those who worry. Those who protest, those who support, those who already know. Those that dont want to know, those who are here, those who are there. Thank you all, with out you, i would have no reason, i would have no place, i would have nothing.
i have this because i care, because i can, because i want to. i have what is here, what is there, and i dont want to loose it.
my fear is anialation, my fear is loosing, not just my life, not just my pride, not just my body. i do not want to loose all of you here with me now, that will be with me now, and those who i will be with. Those who are there, you are why i left, not because of banishment, not because of failed resorts, not because of failed promises, i make this one to uphold all that you do.

i wish only for the love from all my friends, and family.

i fight, i die, i win, i never loose. do no loose faith, i will return home no matter the cost. if i could, i would look each and everyone of you that read this in the eyes and make the promise, i have made the right choice, i have walked the path now, hold my hands and keep me upright. hold me deep in your hearts, deep in your minds. Not only me, but all of us. I love you all, and dont forget.

For that someone

For that special person

my body and hands are cold

i try to warm them and burn them but no luck

i look at my chest and see a gaping hole

my heart has been stolen

i feel no heat

take my hand and get me on my feet

give me your heart to replace my own

please, be gentle.

Must I?

if one must stand, why not you
if one must be there, why not you
if one must take point, why not you
if one must recur, why not you.

but as where you fail, I must strive,
for
if one must stand, i will be tall
if one must be there, i will surround all
if one must take point, i will shine
if one must recur, i will never let down.

the drive for which i feel, you can never take away.
for what i see and do, is all for the greater good
do not taint my words, my feelings, or thoughs.
just hear me out.

Does one love me enough?

when i lay wake at night
throbing in my sleep
i wish to calm my beating
my head can only scream
did you today look inside your soul
why did you only be the fool
look past my walls and see
in their heart they dont see the same fate
quit lying to yourself
all those lies and feelings dont rate
they will not make you feel
what you need to survive
take yourself out and fly
you can see all those who try
those who care and love
only one more test for the world,
does one love me enough?

My Fear of Mirrors

Have you ever looked at a mirror and wondered, what is really looking at you from the otherside? now, by otherside you can take it as, 'the otherside' or is someone looking at your through a one-way window or just however you cope with yourself at night, whatever। you may just think, man, i look sexy or whatever you motivate youself in the morning, but the mirror, is there a memory or does it read your mind? well im getting away from my point. a mirror can make one feel disconnected and lonely because, there usually is only one person in the mirror.

when you hold up two mirrors and you see yourself and the mirrors travel on forever, same effect with a tv and a camcorder, goes on forever. but, what if one of those reflections turned around, and said something to you, undisernable because its mute, but it says something to you. what if it was disfigured and rampid, what if you saw nothing? what if it jumped at you and scared the shit out of you? what if each reflection held a different thing happening to you or something else, same goes for the tv and the camcorder, what if it had a different picture in it? imagine what you want but its an empty feeling when you look down millions of mirrors lined up like a hallway that goes no where. they will always turn to the side and seem to go on a horizon, but that is a safe guard for us from whatever may happen, because if we were to look right down the mirrors directly, who or what would be looking at us?

Yes, what does that make me?

yes, i what does that make me? no such thing as goth, its a type of archecture, no such thing as evil, or i wouldnt have amazing friends. i am what i am, i do what i do, for it is what flows inside me. nothing wrong, nothing good, all it matters how it affects people, only you judge me. i wear it because i mourn. i mourn for all the innocence that is lost, all the pain that is caused, all the love slain. i feel it inside my chest because, i have been there before. i know when you reflect, there is a taint on your slate. warm or cold, the same thing shows, all we do is try. try for what is only in our minds, we can only do what we feel. i feel it is me, i who am the one who should mourn, to help others have their way and seek what they want. the judicature, i only be fair, no judgment from here, only fair assessments. but i mourn those who tatter my words, my thoughts, and my feelings. i mourn for those who do not care, or care to understand. yes, i wear it, it is what i feel inside, but it is a coal that is warm in my chest, still breathing flame to the desires and feelings of life. yes, i wear it, black. in black, you cannot tell who is who, cannot judge by our face. in black we are equal, no one stronger, no one weaker. there is the balance that is called for. no, open your eyes, i wear the black, but it is what is inside me, blance and equality. yes, i wear it, yes it may shroud your eyes from your wanted judgments, but what does that make you?

Pred is in the house

Hello everyone who is reading this, i find this to be pretty niffty. this is my first time so ill get used to it. lol.